Breanna. Learning to love and be loved from the One who is Love.
Grace carried me here,
and by Grace I’ll carry on.
I can feel the emotion you’re experiencing as you’re struggling with this. I’d love to encourage you. Although I’m not an expert on love and relationships, I care, and I’ll share what I can with you.
I don’t know what is unhealthy about your relationship and that makes this a little more difficult to speak to. If your relationship is unhealthy because of abuse, verbal or physical, you need to get out immediately. There is no reason for you to stay in a relationship that does you harm. You should not be treated that way. If they are manipulative or oppressive, you don’t need to be in that relationship. If you need to have someone else help you, ask someone you trust to do that.
If your relationship is unhealthy because you both have chosen to be in sin (sexually or otherwise), you have an opportunity to come together, repent, and let God redeem that relationship. You need to start at the root, confess your sin, ask for forgiveness, receive God’s forgiveness, and turn away from that. God can restore what sin intended to ruin.
But if either of you are unwilling to acknowledge and turn completely from the sin that makes your relationship unhealthy, the relationship is never going to have that ‘moment’ or ‘change or make the switch to healthy and glorifying’. You have to choose that. If you are the only one who is choosing to repent and pursue holiness, then it’s time to leave the relationship. It sounds like this is what you feel led to do, since you said you feel like you should let go, and you already know that’s the answer, you’re just struggling with doing it because you still care about that person.
I can see just in the few words you shared with me that you desire to have a healthy, God-glorifying relationship. You don’t want to remain in sin. My encouragement to you is to choose wholeheartedly that is what you commit to and not look back. If that means cutting ties, then cut ties. You will look back someday and thank God you did.
The truth is, to let go is to surrender. We have to surrender our relationships to God whether they are healthy or unhealthy. We have to submit our desires to the authority of Christ our Lord and choose to completely trust Him. We must find the courage to lay it all in His hands and be willing to let His will happen in that relationship. God is a good Father and desires to bless us. He wants to protect us from harm and deliver us from sin that brings death. When we are afraid of losing someone we value, that selfishness is also insecurity. God wants us to trust Him and believe He knows what is best for us. You can trust Him. Every time I has, He has never once failed me; He is always faithful.
You have to make that moment of change happen and choose to switch to healthy and glorifying. You can’t wait around for that moment to come. Your relationships are your responsibility. You choose who you let close, who you share your heart with, who you let into your life. The choices you make are important. Are you going to choose to put God first, or your fears and desires?
You have nothing to fear; Jesus will take care of you.
You may be feeling like you can’t give up this person or let go of this relationship. You’ve created a bond with them. It’s scary to say goodbye to someone who has meant a lot of you. What is the worst that will happen if you let go? It may be hard at the time, but you won’t stay there. You will probably actually experience an incredible freedom to truly follow Christ and experience the joy of being obedient to what He’s leading you to do. If you are afraid of heartbreak –and yes, you may experience it- Jesus is the Healer. What you ‘lose’ in losing that relationship is no loss at all. Jesus is more than what anyone can be to you. Look to Him and let His love fill your heart in ways you have never known before. In Him is all you need. Paul wrote, “Whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:7-8). If you choose Christ over anyone or anything else, if you lose to gain Him…you’ll find that Jesus is worth it.
Your relationship should be glorifying to God, it should bear godly fruit, it should grow both of you into being more Christ-like, and your love for each other should come from and reflect God’s love- pure, selfless, unconditional. If that doesn’t describe your relationship, it’s either time to together decide to seek that together and look to God to redeem your relationship, or it’s time to let go of each other and pursue Him regardless.
You may need to leave this unhealthy relationship right now, but you never know what God has in store for you. Sometimes you need to let go of the lesser things that are unhealthy in your life to receive the greater things God has for you. Perhaps He’s just waiting for you to hold on to that and for your hands to open up to Him and say, “whatever You want.” You don’t have to fear what God will do; He only wants good for you. I am praying for you. You are free to wholeheartedly pursue Jesus and let Him show you how worth it He is.
- Timothy Keller
Probably because my hair usually covers them! I will take one and then post it just for you anon. (I’m on my mobile).
- The Medicine of Hope