My answer is “Yes.”
Will I be single forever?
Once in awhile I wonder this …as lame as it sounds. When I do, I’m not depressingly despairing in any way; it’s not like that- I’m content in God’s will. Fullness of joy. I just find myself wondering. Or maybe we should call it doubting…but I hope not. It’s human to feel this way at times. I think I need encouragement that there is hope and He will bring us together someday. I don’t look for him, that’s so distracting and wasteful of precious time I could be using to fulfill the great commission. I am just waiting. Praying. I don’t want to pick him out even: I want my Heavenly Father to choose. I’ve spent this time pursuing God, serving His kingdom, and through it being deeply humbled as He keeps growing me. That’s what I’m doing the rest of my life regardless. I’m not perfect in any form but my heart is after God alone. He holds it completely. I’ve wavered in weakness, my affections have wandered, but never far. They’ve always remained with my first love, Christ.
My single years have been so blessed and a blessing. I’m not trying to rush ahead of God. I know there’s so much I have to learn and need to become before I’m ready for a marriage, but honestly it’s not about when I think I’m prepared; it’s about God’s sovereign timing and way. I’ve been pursued a lot but it’s never been right. I think that gets discouraging sometimes for me. Actually I know it does. At times I just long to skip ahead, to be at his side, but that’s so far in the reality of my life. Marriage is not a dream boat or going to make everything wonderful, that’s not my expectation at all; I know it’s hard and takes the power of God to love each other the way Christ loves the church… that’s why it’s so beautiful.
And more than anything, as much as I want marriage and to be a wife and love my husband, I want to be a mom someday. I find peace knowing at least in some way I can be that still, maybe I’ll make my home in an orphanage and love children as if I was their true mom, like Amy Carmichael. I just know whatever happens, I’m following Jesus. Wherever that takes me, whatever that means- my answer is “yes.” Whatever brings God the most glory on this earth and in heaven. Amen.
God give me faith to believe Your promise and trust Your faithfulness in this. You know my heart. You know every desire. I surrender it to You. Be glorified in it.